Hampton Court: The royals escape from living in London

Hampton Court

What a treat, a long journey, a gloomy day but totally worth it. What made this Wednesday so marvelous was the stunning palace and divine gardens. I felt sorry for those poor saps with audio guides wandering aimlessly around staring at dull portraits while we were being told to examine the backside of a statue of a rather voluptuous nymph. Obviously throughout the trip I collected some of the best quotes throughout the day:

"During the 1700's they just decided to paint the wood to make it some sort of shit color"

"I don't even want to know what that cupid is doing to the dog"

" This lady in waiting has definite 'come and get it eyes' "

Gazing at the butt of a statue: "Look at that nice pert thing desperately begging to be stroked"

No I was not at some erotic art museum, this was Hampton Court, Thomas Cardinal Wolsey's creation that he later used as a bribe to escape the wrath of King Henry VIII. There is a mixture of Tudor architecture, neoclassical additions by Sir Christopher Wren under William and Mary's rule and some later King George III elements as well. Hampton Court is a bit eclectic but it has been so well preserved it becomes quite cool to walk through the centuries and see how art and architecture transform.

Serenity Now

The Palace was lovely but tinged with the rather gruesome history of King Henry VIII. He had six wives and a few met pretty gory fates. We walked through the Haunted Gallery which legend says the ghost of Queen Catherine Howard resides in because she ran down this gloomy hallway shrieking when she heard she was to be beheaded.

We then walked through numerous chambers that continued to reflect how powerful the royalty wanted to be perceived. Dozens of deer heads displayed in the great hall showed dominance over nature and the hundreds of rifles, muskets and pikes in the King's Guard Chamber were blunt reminders of the royals power over man. These past owners were short on mercy but not on self-esteem.

But what I most enjoyed were the gardens. So pristine and tranquil, our entire class actually enjoyed walking through the chilly air just to wander through such greenery.

Tis I, Lady Darcy

We had a brief lunch break at a cafe on the grounds and I had an especially bad mocha but the caffeine helped and we were all hyper and ready for the last round of the palace. We saw gardens bursting with spring flowers and the world's largest grapevine. It seemed Queen Mary had a passion for horticulture and gardens and her legacy shows and grows to this day.

Peter explained that back in the day revelers would walk about the garden with sticks that had little wooden frames on the tips. When they fancied a particular view they would gaze through the frame to create a "picturesque" view.

Our version is not as successful

We finished off in the maze and had quite a bit of fun feigning terror at being lost (it took us about five minutes to get out). So Hampton Court= great success for those not married to King Henry VIII.